In this comparison, it is particularly important to emphasize that the person's intention to self-harm is not to “end consciousness.” In the narratives of most individuals who self-harm, the reason for harming themselves is often related to the thought of relieving pain, and this pain is expressed under two main categories. In most of their accounts, the reason for self-harm behavior is ‘relieving intense emotional distress’ (Favazza, 1987; Walsh & Rosen, 1988; Alderman, 1997; Conterio & Lader, 1998; Brown, 1998, 2002; Brown, Contoıs, & l, nehan, 2002). In the reports of a minority of individuals, efforts to resolve situations of disintegration and very small emotional disturbances are described (Conterio & Lader, 1998; Shapiro & Dominiak, 1992; Simeon & Hollander, 2001). When looking at these feelings described as excessive emotional pain or agony, Anger, Shame, Anxiety, Tension or Panic, Grief, Frustration, Feelings of Devaluation will be encountered.
Studies have shown some differences in the rankings of distressing emotions presented by self-harming individuals (Brown, 2002). In the reports of a small portion of those who self-harm, there are expressions indicating that they experience very low levels of emotional distress. According to the statements of this small group, they feel like “zombies” or “robots,” and they experience numbness and emptiness.
These individuals try to relieve these feelings of numbness. The words of a young adult woman can be a good example of this situation: “When I cut myself and see the blood, it relaxes me a lot because it makes me feel like I’m still alive, like a living person.” Most of these individuals may feel and experience these disintegration states before self-harming.
One important point is that the suicidal individual wants to eliminate this ongoing cognitive thought. However, individuals who self-harm try to change this awareness, reduce the pain, and continue their lives.
Examples from Self-Harming Adolescents
It will also be possible to better understand the difference between self-harm and suicide by using the words of a 15-year-old adolescent who self-harms:
“There’s nothing hard to understand here. If I wanted to die, I would attempt suicide, and that would mean I’ve completely lost hope in life. However, when I harm myself, it’s related to my wish to relieve the pain inside me and continue living. Suicide would end life.”
*The fluids that seep out from the depths of my body were eroding the boundaries set by the masculine symbolic order between the inside and the outside of my body. With my shapeless, amorphous, sticky, dirty, and somewhat irrational bodily fluids, I was challenging the cultural, rational, and rigid structure of masculinity. Is there a better way to cope with this?
*“I am someone who harms themselves. I’ve been cutting myself since I was seven. When I first started, I used a razor in the bathroom when no one was around. The pain it caused on my skin and the blood that followed gave me pleasure. I enjoyed seeing that the pain was under my control. I like the fact that the pain is under my control. I used to feel weak and powerless, but now cutting gives me strength and helps me recover.”
*I went deep into my wrist with a butcher’s knife. It was difficult, but it was possible. I felt the teeth of the knife deep in my skin, and the blood appeared. I do this because I hate myself, but I love hurting myself. This makes me feel good. I enjoy the blood and the pain.
*What’s the difference between what I do and tattooing or piercing by artists who work on the body? I think it’s the same. The explanation is simple: Self-harm is self-harm. I do it because it makes me feel good. I don’t feel ashamed for cutting myself. I don’t see it as different from tattooing or piercing. I am an artist too.
*Yes, I know many of my friends and people around me are worried about me. I understand their concerns. They don’t want me to harm myself, and they don’t want to see it. I don’t think I’ll tell them why I do this to myself. I think it will remain a secret because it only concerns me.”
